I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
