His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
