I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
