Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
