So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
