dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
