So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
