I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
