How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
try to milk me bitch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
