the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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