worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
