I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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