Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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