VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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