Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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