Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
