Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
