No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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