I need help removing her.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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