okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
