Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
