Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
