yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
