is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
