Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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