i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
