Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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