Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
