Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
