nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
