I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
