and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This baby is an asshole
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
