false alarm. still invincible.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
