Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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