You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
