better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
COCAINE IS GR8
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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