btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
