At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
