I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
