I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
