you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
