I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
