The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
