Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
