Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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