Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
