I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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