So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wear drunk well.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
