what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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