I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
