Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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