I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
